02.04.14
*Author's Note: This was intended to be published on Monday. That's why it's mentioned right off the top. It's no longer Monday, but I'm the author so I can pre or post date the shit out of my entries. For this article's sake, it is Monday evening. I have just come home from work and am probably perturbed about life in general as I've let myself sink into the pessimistic mindset that follows most Monday work days. I'll come into the apartment, have a short chat with the spouse, then probably exercise. Maybe - it's Monday, who the fuck knows; maybe I don't feel it that day. Maybe.....no, I definitely worked out - it was my first day at the gym. My free 30 day trial. And I don't plan on telling them who I am until the very last day. I'm going to see if I can wait out the dude who sits in the office and looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking; not because he finds me attractive (that can NOT be it - not in my version of gym clothes), but because he keeps wondering if I'm the woman he's leaving voice messages for who just flat out refuses to pick up the phone or call him back. On second thought, I think he wants to fuck me on the treadmill.
This morning I had a really critical decision to make. First of all, it's Monday. The first day of the week. The first impression you make on Monday, is the only impression anyone will have of you for the following 5 days, because your co-workers are cruel and shallow and don't care about you as a person so much as what you're wearing. I'm just trying to save you from the false security you've created based on what the magazines and t.v. are telling you.
Luckily, my coworkers are better than that *wink*; regardless, I'm shallow. I want to look good. Especially when I've pushed my wake-up time to its limits so I don't wake up in time to wash my body, let alone my hair. To top it all off, I like to done the blackest stocking cap I own so basically, I go to work looking like I'm going to carry out an after-work-time robbery.
Do you know why burqas are sexy? Mystery. They aren't giving anything away. How is that not sexy? If you're arguing with me on this, I can't hear you, so shut up.
Knee-high boots are like burqas for your legs. They shroud it in a synthetic leather or suede that covers just enough and you have to wonder; what is she hiding?
I've really only recently discovered this joy and will be using it to find happiness for the remainder of winter. I'm admitting to you right now, I'm using it in one of my stand-up sets. Will it go over? I have no way of knowing. All I know is, it makes me laugh and that's pretty much why I do stand-up in the first place.
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